It seems so easy for some people to talk or post onto the internet about their inner thoughts.
I have been contemplating for some time what I can talk about, and IF I would feel okay with it. Well, I feel uncomfortable right now. But I've decided that what I share with you here would help you in some way. It might encourage you, make you think about your own life, or might even inspire you. I hope you enjoy it.
I got married in May last year after 3 years of knowing each other. After one year later we met, we moved in together, then, after 2 years, we got engaged. We had a small ceremony in a hotel penthouse with only 11 guests. We hired an officiant whom I found on the internet! It was casual and very intimate.
It sounded so smooth and easy, doesn't it? No, it wasn't, at least, for me! In 43 years of my life, the biggest challenge was finding my husband. (Moving from Japan to the United States as a Japanese native, getting jobs and living in New York City could've been it, but it's really not.)
It was a long challenging days (years) of dating before I met him. I went out on dates, I had a couple of long-term relationships, and some mid-length relationships. When I was 36, I moved out of the apartment where I was living with the ex. I was not happy. I was miserable. I was sad not because we broke up, but because I felt that there was no love. I always felt alone even when we were in the same room.
There was a moment when one thought jumped out;
"I should deserve love in my life. I don't have to tolerate this. I should deserve to be loved as a woman."
The terms, "love" or "woman", never came into my mind like that before that moment because, I think, it's such common and obvious and I never payed any special attention to it.
"Have I ever been loved, cherished, respected and treated as a woman who deserve all those things?"
The answer was, sadly, no.
Then, I decided I want that. I wanted to be loved, cherished, respected and treated as a woman who is worthy of all that.
My new journey started then.